modern day living, I got rescued. It was after a long day at work, I’d glared or honked my horn at every other driver trying to get past me in the rush hour traffic, in a bid to get home and ‘get some work done’. But as soon as I found a parking slot, it started to pour down torrentially. Now, if you are in Scotland, rain is something you get used to. But this was more like a tropical downpour. So, there I sat, immobilised, watching as nature took all controls away. And I slowly felt my tensions ebbing away…..the muscles in my body physically relax, and the constant humdrum of noises inside my brain subside. I lost count of the minues I spent just watching. Watching the green of the trees go greener, watching the neighbours’ bubbly cocker spaniel go sprinting past, watching as car after car sped by…..all in a rush to get somewhere, to accomplish something. And then I suddenly realised that my ‘to do’ list had vanished….it wasn’t important anymore..things could wait. I couldn’t be bothered to get to the next career goalpost before everyone else got there..even if it got classed as ‘failure’. Anyone who has been circling in this vortex of deadline after deadline, never ending lists and unfinished jobs will no doubt recognise the sense of entrapment that this brings. Its so easy to lose sight of whats important in life. Ive seen someone very close to me go through a series of events which people would conventionally describe as failures….and manage to smile through all of them, manage to see the funny side, manage to square his shoulders everytime and go for the next challenge. This to me is lasting success. Failure, at times does what a million successes cannot do- redeem your soul.Somehow our generation more than any other feels this compulsion to constantly keep proving ourselves……to anybody and everybody who’d care to notice. I happen to belong to this genre of ‘ambitious career oriented women’ (here’s a category - for those who like to see people neatly slotted) - who always carry, not just a chip but a massive block on their shoulders. Its amazing how rapidly the face of the typical yuppie city corporate culture is changing from the alpha male to super-driven female. So, this goes out to everyone who’s running in a bid to be the rat race topper……..hope you get a chance to redeem yourself before all the important things in life are lost forever. Amen.
Thursday 2 October 2008
Facing failure
We all come to our nemesis, at one point or another, and the question then is, do we let it defeat us or conquer it once and for all. For me, the nemesis has always been, ‘facing failure’……Not because I’ve never failed, but because I’ve never found the strength, the guts, the largeness of heart that it needs to say – I’ve failed this time, but its no big deal, I am still what I am ……….How many of us have allowed ourselves to be judged by our latest exam/interview/assessment result?How many of us live from one goalpost to another, forgetting to ‘live’ in between? Why are results a statement on the person? ‘The person’ is so much else……Life is about who you are and not about how others look at you. Not about what people who don’t matter, think of you………Its about making the best of the moments you have with people who do matter.Somewhere in your life, you come across a defining moment. And I wonder how many of us would wander back the memory lane to a moment of abject defeat rather than wondrous triumph. For its easy to lose yourself in victory but far more worthwhile to ‘find’ yourself in defeat.Just as I was about to get trapped long term into being the typical yuppie with my platter full of the stresses and pressures of modern day living, I got rescued. It was after a long day at work, I’d glared or honked my horn at every other driver trying to get past me in the rush hour traffic, in a bid to get home and ‘get some work done’. But as soon as I found a parking slot, it started to pour down torrentially. Now, if you are in Scotland, rain is something you get used to. But this was more like a tropical downpour. So, there I sat, immobilised, watching as nature took all controls away. And I slowly felt my tensions ebbing away…..the muscles in my body physically relax, and the constant humdrum of noises inside my brain subside. I lost count of the minues I spent just watching. Watching the green of the trees go greener, watching the neighbours’ bubbly cocker spaniel go sprinting past, watching as car after car sped by…..all in a rush to get somewhere, to accomplish something. And then I suddenly realised that my ‘to do’ list had vanished….it wasn’t important anymore..things could wait. I couldn’t be bothered to get to the next career goalpost before everyone else got there..even if it got classed as ‘failure’. Anyone who has been circling in this vortex of deadline after deadline, never ending lists and unfinished jobs will no doubt recognise the sense of entrapment that this brings. Its so easy to lose sight of whats important in life. Ive seen someone very close to me go through a series of events which people would conventionally describe as failures….and manage to smile through all of them, manage to see the funny side, manage to square his shoulders everytime and go for the next challenge. This to me is lasting success. Failure, at times does what a million successes cannot do- redeem your soul.Somehow our generation more than any other feels this compulsion to constantly keep proving ourselves……to anybody and everybody who’d care to notice. I happen to belong to this genre of ‘ambitious career oriented women’ (here’s a category - for those who like to see people neatly slotted) - who always carry, not just a chip but a massive block on their shoulders. Its amazing how rapidly the face of the typical yuppie city corporate culture is changing from the alpha male to super-driven female. So, this goes out to everyone who’s running in a bid to be the rat race topper……..hope you get a chance to redeem yourself before all the important things in life are lost forever. Amen.
modern day living, I got rescued. It was after a long day at work, I’d glared or honked my horn at every other driver trying to get past me in the rush hour traffic, in a bid to get home and ‘get some work done’. But as soon as I found a parking slot, it started to pour down torrentially. Now, if you are in Scotland, rain is something you get used to. But this was more like a tropical downpour. So, there I sat, immobilised, watching as nature took all controls away. And I slowly felt my tensions ebbing away…..the muscles in my body physically relax, and the constant humdrum of noises inside my brain subside. I lost count of the minues I spent just watching. Watching the green of the trees go greener, watching the neighbours’ bubbly cocker spaniel go sprinting past, watching as car after car sped by…..all in a rush to get somewhere, to accomplish something. And then I suddenly realised that my ‘to do’ list had vanished….it wasn’t important anymore..things could wait. I couldn’t be bothered to get to the next career goalpost before everyone else got there..even if it got classed as ‘failure’. Anyone who has been circling in this vortex of deadline after deadline, never ending lists and unfinished jobs will no doubt recognise the sense of entrapment that this brings. Its so easy to lose sight of whats important in life. Ive seen someone very close to me go through a series of events which people would conventionally describe as failures….and manage to smile through all of them, manage to see the funny side, manage to square his shoulders everytime and go for the next challenge. This to me is lasting success. Failure, at times does what a million successes cannot do- redeem your soul.Somehow our generation more than any other feels this compulsion to constantly keep proving ourselves……to anybody and everybody who’d care to notice. I happen to belong to this genre of ‘ambitious career oriented women’ (here’s a category - for those who like to see people neatly slotted) - who always carry, not just a chip but a massive block on their shoulders. Its amazing how rapidly the face of the typical yuppie city corporate culture is changing from the alpha male to super-driven female. So, this goes out to everyone who’s running in a bid to be the rat race topper……..hope you get a chance to redeem yourself before all the important things in life are lost forever. Amen.
Beauty and the beast within
In my parents day and age, the chief worries in life were job security, having a home of your own, and good education for your children. Fast forward thirty years on and I have a neighbour whose only worry in life is those two extra lines on her face and the secretary at my workplace has just booked herself in to have a nose job in a bid to enhance her self esteem.
According to latest figures, the total UK cosmetic surgery industry was worth an estimated £528.9m, showing a 53% rise in 2006 alone. An average British woman spends anywhere between £5000 to £10000 on cosmetic surgery/non surgical procedures yearly. The cosmetic surgery market is being driven by an astonishing speed of technological advancements, particularly in non-surgical procedures. Combined treatments involving the use of a number of different types of non-surgical treatment — laser, injectables and peels, as well as the use of cosmeceuticals — is an increasing feature of the market. In terms of surgical procedures, facial surgery is now offered with minima
lly invasive techniques, encouraging a trend of `lunch-time lifts' where the woman can often be back at work shortly after a fairly major procedure!While I fully appreciate that cosmetic surgery in certain situations, especially in victims of accidents and disfigurement, is not only desirable but also essential, it’s the ‘worried well’ section of our population that seems to be the predominant user. In other words, there is nothing wrong with these women (and men- in 2005 about 11% of all procedures were performed on men).
There is a mad rush to get the latest tummy tuck, the plumpest lips and the biggest bust around. Its getting difficult day by day to find a person who isn’t planning or hasn’t already had some form of cosmetic makeover done. It’s as if self esteem was just discovered yesterday.......because without cosmetic surgery you have no personality, no presence and nobody loves you. If you are fifty, then you have to look twenty and if you happen to be twenty, then you have to get the perfectly shaped bottom. Your glass is always half empty.Poor Narcissus was just kidding himself, wasn’t he? He had no idea what being beauty conscious meant….he was quite content to just stare at his spectacularly imperfect face and had no hope of finding the dashing, dynamic surgeon with the magical touch to lift him out of his ‘meaningless’ existence.
In an ideal world, people would accept themselves as they are, accept that flaws can be attractive, and growing old is natural and not necessarily bad. I am not deluded enough to think that looks would cease to be important to people one
fine day. Caring about how you look is an inherent human instinct that has to find the right way of expression. But its not too much to expect that as intelligent, sensible human beings we’d find better ways of feeling good about ourselves rather that changing external appearances to the point of destruction. I am not even going to go down the route of suggesting that people use these megabucks that they’ve saved up for cosmetic surgery to help some of their less privileged earthlings, but it may just solve the purpose, you know. It may just make you feel as good if not better about yourself and there is just a chance that this feeling will last slightly longer than it takes an artificial tan to wear off.
Now a cosmetic surgeon in Florida has even gone on to publish a picture guide to help young kids understand the exact process involved in making their mummies beautiful (http://www.news.com.au). For after all, as a kid aged five or six, that is your biggest concern in life – having a mummy with a jelly belly or a crooked nose would just be a catastrophe!As an amused and at times frankly miffed bystander to this trend, I’ve struggled to explain this fixation with looks that is now part of our everyday life. Aside from the fact that it costs the earth, its also totally useless if its friends or love you’re after. A cosmetic makeover will not win you friends, or happiness, only dig a huge hole in your pocket. While looking good has been important since time immemorial, the recent trend where it supercedes all else in life is decidedly unhealthy. In some households, a substantial chunk of the family income is now spent on beauty makeovers.Alarmingly, big corporate sharks have jumped onto the bandwagon and are offering easier access to borrowing for this purpose!The amount of column space that’s dedicated in women’s magazines to discussion of which celebrity has cellulite and which other one has piled on a few millimeters on their abdomen, is another story altogether.Besides, before luring a thirty something, mother of two towards the operation table, how many of these clinics actually care to fully explain the implications? The ugly truth behind these panacea procedures is that if anything goes wrong, you run the risk of being horribly disfigured and in the worst case scenario, die from sepsis or anesthetic complications. Cases have been reported but they are few and far between to have made any significant impression on the minds of would be wannabes.Just another example of how too much of a good thing can actually be a bad thing. The quest for happiness and success has many different connotations. Some find happiness altering their bodies, some find it in the smile of another human being.
According to latest figures, the total UK cosmetic surgery industry was worth an estimated £528.9m, showing a 53% rise in 2006 alone. An average British woman spends anywhere between £5000 to £10000 on cosmetic surgery/non surgical procedures yearly. The cosmetic surgery market is being driven by an astonishing speed of technological advancements, particularly in non-surgical procedures. Combined treatments involving the use of a number of different types of non-surgical treatment — laser, injectables and peels, as well as the use of cosmeceuticals — is an increasing feature of the market. In terms of surgical procedures, facial surgery is now offered with minima
lly invasive techniques, encouraging a trend of `lunch-time lifts' where the woman can often be back at work shortly after a fairly major procedure!While I fully appreciate that cosmetic surgery in certain situations, especially in victims of accidents and disfigurement, is not only desirable but also essential, it’s the ‘worried well’ section of our population that seems to be the predominant user. In other words, there is nothing wrong with these women (and men- in 2005 about 11% of all procedures were performed on men).There is a mad rush to get the latest tummy tuck, the plumpest lips and the biggest bust around. Its getting difficult day by day to find a person who isn’t planning or hasn’t already had some form of cosmetic makeover done. It’s as if self esteem was just discovered yesterday.......because without cosmetic surgery you have no personality, no presence and nobody loves you. If you are fifty, then you have to look twenty and if you happen to be twenty, then you have to get the perfectly shaped bottom. Your glass is always half empty.Poor Narcissus was just kidding himself, wasn’t he? He had no idea what being beauty conscious meant….he was quite content to just stare at his spectacularly imperfect face and had no hope of finding the dashing, dynamic surgeon with the magical touch to lift him out of his ‘meaningless’ existence.
In an ideal world, people would accept themselves as they are, accept that flaws can be attractive, and growing old is natural and not necessarily bad. I am not deluded enough to think that looks would cease to be important to people one
fine day. Caring about how you look is an inherent human instinct that has to find the right way of expression. But its not too much to expect that as intelligent, sensible human beings we’d find better ways of feeling good about ourselves rather that changing external appearances to the point of destruction. I am not even going to go down the route of suggesting that people use these megabucks that they’ve saved up for cosmetic surgery to help some of their less privileged earthlings, but it may just solve the purpose, you know. It may just make you feel as good if not better about yourself and there is just a chance that this feeling will last slightly longer than it takes an artificial tan to wear off.Now a cosmetic surgeon in Florida has even gone on to publish a picture guide to help young kids understand the exact process involved in making their mummies beautiful (http://www.news.com.au). For after all, as a kid aged five or six, that is your biggest concern in life – having a mummy with a jelly belly or a crooked nose would just be a catastrophe!As an amused and at times frankly miffed bystander to this trend, I’ve struggled to explain this fixation with looks that is now part of our everyday life. Aside from the fact that it costs the earth, its also totally useless if its friends or love you’re after. A cosmetic makeover will not win you friends, or happiness, only dig a huge hole in your pocket. While looking good has been important since time immemorial, the recent trend where it supercedes all else in life is decidedly unhealthy. In some households, a substantial chunk of the family income is now spent on beauty makeovers.Alarmingly, big corporate sharks have jumped onto the bandwagon and are offering easier access to borrowing for this purpose!The amount of column space that’s dedicated in women’s magazines to discussion of which celebrity has cellulite and which other one has piled on a few millimeters on their abdomen, is another story altogether.Besides, before luring a thirty something, mother of two towards the operation table, how many of these clinics actually care to fully explain the implications? The ugly truth behind these panacea procedures is that if anything goes wrong, you run the risk of being horribly disfigured and in the worst case scenario, die from sepsis or anesthetic complications. Cases have been reported but they are few and far between to have made any significant impression on the minds of would be wannabes.Just another example of how too much of a good thing can actually be a bad thing. The quest for happiness and success has many different connotations. Some find happiness altering their bodies, some find it in the smile of another human being.
Of Lilliputians and the brain dead
Still remember the story as told by Jonathan Swift….Gulliver’s travels…part of my school curriculum in class 4…. or was it 5……And I remember it not because I found it inspirational, hugely entertaining, or a tremendous work of satirical writing……the brain of a nine year old is not mature enough to comprehend any of these. But I remember it because my nine year old brain had perceived it to be utterly atrocious…..how can someone be so shockingly ignorant as to kill for as inane an issue as which side would you break your egg from and indeed give rise to civil strife and social unrest on this issue?? Little did I realise that not only is this atrocious behaviour perfectly feasible but I actually live in a society that may have been picked out of Gulliver’s travels…..that people actually kill for a lot less, that the divides actually are founded on a far more flimsy ground than how to shell an egg…..As a teenager I learnt to be suspicious of one religious group, to distance myself from a particular community, not because we ever had such a discussion at home but because as soon as I stepped out of home I looked into the eyes of diffidence, distrust and difference. The media would be rife with talk of religious riots breaking out in one place or members of one caste stoning to death someone from another caste. And it didn’t matter that I still did not understand how any issue, or difference of opinion, or a difference in lifestyle could ever overtake the sanctity of life………My impressionable brain had to learn to quickly adjust to the information being fed in. This was almost always viewpoints of someone on television talking too loudly or in the newspapers, pouring vitriolic about how one particular section of society had been victimised…..I still meant to ask – what about the other side?….are they as bitter and angry about their loss as you are about yours’? Are they grieving for the dead too? Are they homeless and abandoned too?But obviously the world is governed by men who do not think these questions are Important. Whats important at that time is to flame the fires of religious hatred, and work people’s emotions to your advantage…..has happened for centuries..still continues to happen and will keep happening until we can stand up and say we’ve had enough. Naïve, simple minded men have always been a pawn in the game for power hungry, greedy politicians who cant be bothered about the consequences of their dangerous actions.Once any two groups of people start to fight, to kill and maime men, women and children from the opposite side there is often no going back. We’ve seen generations of people trapped in the quagmire of hatred and bitterness….often, the initial reason for the strife completely forgotten. Because hatred begets hatred………it’s a vicious cycle…..Ive always believed there are only two kinds of people in this world- good and bad. There are good people amongst the muslims, good people amongst the jews, the christians, the hindus, the whites, the blacks, the ‘browns’, the rich and the poor. The rest are all artificial divides…..nothing that cannot be surmounted with effort and will. My best friend will be someone I can share thoughts and experiences with, have a rapport with, share common ground with. He/ she doesn’t have to go to the same place of worship as me, eat the same kind of food or even speak the same language that I do.Based on the premise that all men (and women!) have the same origin…..be it adam and eve or be it Manu……..is it not beyond ridiculous that we’ve taken to killing each other over petty differences. And I’m not being blasé in calling these differences petty….If you look at the history of mankind, all war has been perpetrated to gain dominance over that other man that does not look like you, does not dress like you and prays to a different god.A bit like, you don’t shell your egg like me,………….so I must kill you, isn’t it?
So there are 6 inch men that fight over trivia and then there are the ones amongst us with wood between our ears who've resisted the voice of reason for so long, its now second nature.
So there are 6 inch men that fight over trivia and then there are the ones amongst us with wood between our ears who've resisted the voice of reason for so long, its now second nature.
Universal smoking ban in public places. Why we need it.
"Your dog mess - you bin it." We have all come across this sign posted at public places. For a society that wrinkles its nose in collective disgust at something as innoucous as dog turds adorning its streets, are we not supra tolerant towards another more vicious aggression on our senses and sensibilities?? Dog turds might be un- aesthetic but they dont give you cancer!!!So much so that although dog poop in public places is illegal, we've been huffing and puffing about bringing a legislation to ban smoking in public places and have yet to succeed.The argument is that every individual has a right to decide what is best for him/her. And so if I stare at the 17 yr old blowing smoke into my face at the bus stop, she stares doubly hard at me.......but honey, your freedom ends where my nose begins......you are welcome to your noxious fumes but you have no right to pollute the air I breathe.I have a suggestion.....just for the time being while we are still debating the feasibility of a complete ban on smoking, why not get smokers to "bin their own mess" as it were. Every smoker in my opinion should take around a bag to exhale in, to absorb smoke. Of course we'll have to come up with a suitable contraption but that's a thought for the world's enterprising lot.In fact, why not get the multi-million dollar cigarette industry to "cough up" a few million towards this end??
Wednesday 1 October 2008
"Terrorists are victims who create more victims"
Found this very inspiring article in the Times of India (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Terrorists_are_victims_who_create_more_victims/articleshow/3550892.cms)
We've all tried to grapple with this hideous truth of our times. Reality is, we all fall prey to the motivation of these acts and create this vicious cycle of hatred and anger that breeds more terrorists. Inasmuch, I found this article fresh and insightful. No attempt at pointing fingers, laying blame, stoking the fires of vengeance. Just plainspeak and clear thinking, looking at solutins rather than being part of the problem. Have a read....
2 Oct 2008, 0019 hrs IST,TNN
2 Oct 2008, 0019 hrs IST,TNN
Midway through the news meeting on Wednesday, the grim news came in: Agartala had been rocked by serial blasts. All eyes immediately turned to Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, the Guest Editor for our special Peace Edition. As journalists, what should we do on a day like this? The Zen master, who has rebuilt bombed villages, set up schools and medical centres, resettled homeless families and for a lifetime advocated tirelessly the principles of non-violence and compassiona
te action, pondered for a while. When he spoke, it was with great clarity, ''Report in a way that invites readers to take a look at why such things continue to happen and that they have their roots in anger, fear, hate and wrong perceptions. Prevent anger from becoming a collective energy. The only antidote for anger and violence is compassion. Terrorists are also victims, who create other victims of misunderstanding.'' This, remember, is the monk — now 82 years old — credited with a big role in turning American public opinion against the war in Vietnam — for which Martin Luther King Jr had nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967. And so, his words are not to be dismissed lightly. ''Every reader has seeds of fear, anger, violence and despair, and also seeds of hope, compassion, love and forgiveness,'' said Thich Nhat Hahn, affectionately called Thay. ''As journalists, you must not water the wrong seeds. The stories should touch the seeds of hope. As journalists, you have the job of selectively watering the right seeds. You must attempt to tell the truth and yet not water the seeds of hate. It's not what's in the story, but how you tell it that's important.'' But how should the State deal with terror? Thay's answer: ''We should invite those who believe they are victims of discrimination and injustice to speak about it. We should initiate sessions of deep listening and invite deeply spiritual people, who don't have to be famous, to attend these. We must televise these sessions nationally. I am sure you will see a dramatic drop in the level of violence. A war on terror cannot succeed, because you cannot bomb perceptions. The only solution is dialogue.'' He cited the example of an experiment by his own group of monks at Plum village, south of France, in 2006. ''We asked people to write letters to terrorists and more than 40 letters came in. Some claimed, 'I am the terrorist because I am also violent and there is suffering in me as well'. We need to get together. When we address suspicion and anger as a collective, when we talk informally about suffering, then we can find answers. If we reduce the violence in us, and change, then we change others around us because then we are connected to them.'' Talking about world peace, the monk said, ''Political leaders meet at peace summits but no lasting solutions to the world's problems are found. Therefore, political leaders, before they get down to talking at summits, should practice sitting, walking, talking informally with each other and practice techniques to calm themselves. Only then can talks lead to positive results.'' The history of Vietnam in the last century was fraught with violence. Thay has himself seen war from close quarters. Naturally, the question came up: Does he believe non-violence can help find solutions in today's complex world? Thay's reply was surprisingly pragmatic. ''Non-violence can never be absolute. However, you can make aggressive action less violent. In war, the generals must try and avoid the death of innocents. Even soldiers can show compassion. The first step towards nonviolence is to be calm and compassionate yourself.'' Questions on wars and conflicts led to the next logical query. How can humanity relate with each other when it is divided within confines of national or ethnic or racial identities? That brought the Buddhist teacher into his element, propounding on one of Buddhism's basic tenets of 'non-self'. The problem, he said, arises when one's self is set against another's self. Once we realize that self is made of non-self, then the issue of identity gets settled. ''Man is made of non-me elements. I am made of so many non-me elements — my parents, the food I eat, the education I received, animals, vegetables. Take away all the 'non-me', and there is no 'me' left. Buddhism is made of non-Buddhist elements. A Christian is made of non-Christian elements and a Muslim is made of non-Muslim elements,'' said Thay. Once we realise that we are all interconnected, we will begin caring for all other things. That's why, Thay says, we need to learn from suffering. Because only after we have understood the nature of suffering can we understand true happiness. ''Happiness and safety can't be individual matters. If you have peace on your side, only then can you promote peace in the world. Individual happiness is impossible, as is individual suffering. Because we are not one but a collective.'' And what about the financial crisis that is causing many to suffer? The answer, says Thay, is related to greed and fear. ''As journalists, you must help people so that they don't become victims of greed and fear. If the aim is happiness, then you must be prepared to give up riches and fame and power, all of which are transitory.'' Can the modern economy — fuelled by conspicuous consumption — co-exist with a monk's lifestyle? After all, if everyone stopped consumption, industries would shut down and unemployment would rise. So should individuals, in their pursuit of 'selfish' happiness, create unhappiness for others? ''Many of us have started believing in happiness from consumption. But happiness is largely a problem of the mind. You don't have to run into the future, you have enough conditions to be happy right here and now. But in our search for more conditions to be happy, we sacrifice the present. The remedy for us is to go home to the present moment. Don't get stuck with the past or get sucked into the future. So many wonders of life are with you. Development is like a wild horse that we are riding, over which we have lost control,'' responded Thay. But then, isn't it much simpler for a monk to talk about not consuming than for people who have to deal with the world on the world's terms? Can regular people with regular lives follow his teachings? According to Thay, ''The meditative practice is for everyone, monks and non-monks, the young and the less young. The conditions for reaching out for Buddha-hood are there for everyone. We are just caught up in our worries and projects. The kingdom of God is available for you. But are you available for the kingdom?'' We couldn't resist asking: what were his feelings when the Taliban destroyed the Bamiyan Buddhas? His reply: ''There was no anger. We have a tendency to punish whoever has dared to make us suffer. We seek relief by making the other person suffer. If we see whoever is hurt as a victim, then a neuro pathway will open in our brain and we will forgive the person and reduce his suffering, which in turn will help us to suffer less. All this is not based on speculation but on the basis what we have done, in our group sessions.
te action, pondered for a while. When he spoke, it was with great clarity, ''Report in a way that invites readers to take a look at why such things continue to happen and that they have their roots in anger, fear, hate and wrong perceptions. Prevent anger from becoming a collective energy. The only antidote for anger and violence is compassion. Terrorists are also victims, who create other victims of misunderstanding.'' This, remember, is the monk — now 82 years old — credited with a big role in turning American public opinion against the war in Vietnam — for which Martin Luther King Jr had nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967. And so, his words are not to be dismissed lightly. ''Every reader has seeds of fear, anger, violence and despair, and also seeds of hope, compassion, love and forgiveness,'' said Thich Nhat Hahn, affectionately called Thay. ''As journalists, you must not water the wrong seeds. The stories should touch the seeds of hope. As journalists, you have the job of selectively watering the right seeds. You must attempt to tell the truth and yet not water the seeds of hate. It's not what's in the story, but how you tell it that's important.'' But how should the State deal with terror? Thay's answer: ''We should invite those who believe they are victims of discrimination and injustice to speak about it. We should initiate sessions of deep listening and invite deeply spiritual people, who don't have to be famous, to attend these. We must televise these sessions nationally. I am sure you will see a dramatic drop in the level of violence. A war on terror cannot succeed, because you cannot bomb perceptions. The only solution is dialogue.'' He cited the example of an experiment by his own group of monks at Plum village, south of France, in 2006. ''We asked people to write letters to terrorists and more than 40 letters came in. Some claimed, 'I am the terrorist because I am also violent and there is suffering in me as well'. We need to get together. When we address suspicion and anger as a collective, when we talk informally about suffering, then we can find answers. If we reduce the violence in us, and change, then we change others around us because then we are connected to them.'' Talking about world peace, the monk said, ''Political leaders meet at peace summits but no lasting solutions to the world's problems are found. Therefore, political leaders, before they get down to talking at summits, should practice sitting, walking, talking informally with each other and practice techniques to calm themselves. Only then can talks lead to positive results.'' The history of Vietnam in the last century was fraught with violence. Thay has himself seen war from close quarters. Naturally, the question came up: Does he believe non-violence can help find solutions in today's complex world? Thay's reply was surprisingly pragmatic. ''Non-violence can never be absolute. However, you can make aggressive action less violent. In war, the generals must try and avoid the death of innocents. Even soldiers can show compassion. The first step towards nonviolence is to be calm and compassionate yourself.'' Questions on wars and conflicts led to the next logical query. How can humanity relate with each other when it is divided within confines of national or ethnic or racial identities? That brought the Buddhist teacher into his element, propounding on one of Buddhism's basic tenets of 'non-self'. The problem, he said, arises when one's self is set against another's self. Once we realize that self is made of non-self, then the issue of identity gets settled. ''Man is made of non-me elements. I am made of so many non-me elements — my parents, the food I eat, the education I received, animals, vegetables. Take away all the 'non-me', and there is no 'me' left. Buddhism is made of non-Buddhist elements. A Christian is made of non-Christian elements and a Muslim is made of non-Muslim elements,'' said Thay. Once we realise that we are all interconnected, we will begin caring for all other things. That's why, Thay says, we need to learn from suffering. Because only after we have understood the nature of suffering can we understand true happiness. ''Happiness and safety can't be individual matters. If you have peace on your side, only then can you promote peace in the world. Individual happiness is impossible, as is individual suffering. Because we are not one but a collective.'' And what about the financial crisis that is causing many to suffer? The answer, says Thay, is related to greed and fear. ''As journalists, you must help people so that they don't become victims of greed and fear. If the aim is happiness, then you must be prepared to give up riches and fame and power, all of which are transitory.'' Can the modern economy — fuelled by conspicuous consumption — co-exist with a monk's lifestyle? After all, if everyone stopped consumption, industries would shut down and unemployment would rise. So should individuals, in their pursuit of 'selfish' happiness, create unhappiness for others? ''Many of us have started believing in happiness from consumption. But happiness is largely a problem of the mind. You don't have to run into the future, you have enough conditions to be happy right here and now. But in our search for more conditions to be happy, we sacrifice the present. The remedy for us is to go home to the present moment. Don't get stuck with the past or get sucked into the future. So many wonders of life are with you. Development is like a wild horse that we are riding, over which we have lost control,'' responded Thay. But then, isn't it much simpler for a monk to talk about not consuming than for people who have to deal with the world on the world's terms? Can regular people with regular lives follow his teachings? According to Thay, ''The meditative practice is for everyone, monks and non-monks, the young and the less young. The conditions for reaching out for Buddha-hood are there for everyone. We are just caught up in our worries and projects. The kingdom of God is available for you. But are you available for the kingdom?'' We couldn't resist asking: what were his feelings when the Taliban destroyed the Bamiyan Buddhas? His reply: ''There was no anger. We have a tendency to punish whoever has dared to make us suffer. We seek relief by making the other person suffer. If we see whoever is hurt as a victim, then a neuro pathway will open in our brain and we will forgive the person and reduce his suffering, which in turn will help us to suffer less. All this is not based on speculation but on the basis what we have done, in our group sessions. London revisited..
Its a supremely spledid city...full of new surprises and those little curio moments..
Plus, a whole cauldron of different cultures, races, ways of life, languages, people. Food of course I've mentioned.
This time we made a slightly rushed but very fulfilling visit to the Swaminarayan temple in Neasden area. The architecture of the temple follows the general model of the Swaminarayan sect and is breathtaking. Pic by Rohit..
And if you go there dont forget to go to the temple restaurant. Its full of good old gujarati food...awesome dhoklas. Plus they have really nice mithais. Needless to say, we had a huge package to take back home...
There are the slightly puzzling aspects though for the uninitiated....Their insistence that all females in skirts wrap a 'sarong style' cloth before going in, being one of them. Places of worship for centuries were just that- places where you went to find inner peace and sanctity, without worrying about what other people thought about your style of dressing. No one would go to a temple wanting to be disrespectful. But having to follow pre-ordained dress codes can be a little paiful for some of us.
Arranged marriage
So, the question was popped again…..mmm…. was your’s an arranged marriage then? The eternal curiosity…
One topic which I suppose every Indian abroad has to tread through.
I’m amused and irritated in turn….especially when I detect a whiff of patronising…
Why is this such a difficult concept to master? Having seen the various ways in which marriages are ‘arranged’ apart from the family way which we know in India, the question to me always smacks of mock sympathy…for the ways of the 'less civilized'.
Sure, every culture has its own curious ways…its own idiosyncrasies that only people born into the culture will understand.
Saying that I’m not trying to brush under the carpet, a whole lot of questionable ways in which this business is carried out, in all sections of the Indian society.
But spare me the sympathy, please.
For more insight on signficance of wedding customs in India, you can check out http://indianweddingcustoms.blogspot.com/
Useful info....
One topic which I suppose every Indian abroad has to tread through.
I’m amused and irritated in turn….especially when I detect a whiff of patronising…
Why is this such a difficult concept to master? Having seen the various ways in which marriages are ‘arranged’ apart from the family way which we know in India, the question to me always smacks of mock sympathy…for the ways of the 'less civilized'.
Sure, every culture has its own curious ways…its own idiosyncrasies that only people born into the culture will understand.
Saying that I’m not trying to brush under the carpet, a whole lot of questionable ways in which this business is carried out, in all sections of the Indian society.
But spare me the sympathy, please.
For more insight on signficance of wedding customs in India, you can check out http://indianweddingcustoms.blogspot.com/
Useful info....
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