P.S- afterthoughts on the kids situation.

Now I have this boss who is the epitome of being organised, planned and entirely predictable. Patricia has never veered from the straight and the narrow all her life. You can just see that in her every move. From the rolling of eyes with impatience when someone is being, in her opinion, daft, to the sneer of derision she reserves for the softies, the imperfect people of this world who let emotions rule their decisions.
She hardly ever wastes words. Just looks through you if she thinks your question doesn’t merit a response. And when she does speak its always measured, precise. When she does smile, its always within half an inch of the corners of her mouth. No one at the workplace has seen her laugh out loud. She must be, if I can hazard a guess, late thirties with a style of dressing that definitely belongs in the late sixties to seventies. Loose tops or shirts, severe, always below the knee skirts in shades of beige or gray – you get the picture. Now I had so far conveniently slotted Patricia in the ‘slightly elderly spinster’ category. When yesterday, the bombshell dropped and we found out she actually has two adorable sons. Just like Patricia, grunted one of the blokes, bloody perfect. So, she’s managed two pregnancies, without taking any leave beyond what’s absolutely essential.
I can see how she would have just carried on, ‘business as usual style’ during her pregnancy, have the most well coordinated and timely delivery and the most disciplined brood in town. Does this inspire me to achieve what she has, without compromising her career? God, no.
I would want my children to be full of mischief! I would want the whole plethora of emotions, uncertainties, unpredictabilities that come with raising kids. I can’t be mechanical. I cant be a robot and still pretend to be happy. So, sadly for Pratima, plans to have kids have been shelved once again.

The big dilemma

I’m still smarting under the effect of Pratima’s rather long spiel….on the topic of children, or actually the lack of them in my life. The thing about this particular discussion is, not only is it always forced- with me looking for that tiny chink in the door so I could just vaporize through it, it also almost always leaves me feeling selfish and self centered. As if I’m committing a grave injustice towards all my family, all my friends who have kids, and to myself too even if I don’t realize it.
So Pratima, who basically married at the age of 22 and had two kids before she turned 28, thinks I’m way too late to have a family. She also put her career on hold and postponed her postgraduation in fashion designing, so Amit (her husband) could pursue his high demand medical career. Rohit assures me there’s no similarity whatsoever in my personality and hers’. So I can't judge my life by her yardstick. Which is very sweet and ‘chivalrous husband’ like of him. Only, I still feel restless.

I have long been aware of the importance of being a ‘DINK’ couple - which is essentially short for Double Income No Kids. Now, whoever coined this term was I think, essentially thinking of the money side. It is expensive to bring up kids and with either of the couple having to work flexibly/ cut down etc, it’s a big financial responsibility. I do enjoy my current status as freshly (well, that’s about four years ago) married without kids, but for slightly different reasons. Like the other weekend we suddenly decided we needed a bit of a break, so we drove out to the coast for a couple of days. People with kids simply don’t have that kind of freedom. It’s my freedom and availability of choice that I feel I can’t let go. That’s not to say I would not want kids ever, but at the moment life is quite full, thank you.

In our society, as in any other, peer pressure to keep climbing the ladder of social responsibility or ‘appropriateness’ is quite high. Obviously there are set time limits for a girl to get married, for a married woman to have children and for someone with children to…ugh, I don’t know, move to a bigger house in the suburbs, give up on all sorts of fun things that you used to enjoy as a couple and get set in the routine of bringing up kids…for which there is a strict protocol by the way. That is not to say people who are bringing up kids are boring or have uninteresting lives. I just don’t fancy that at the current moment of time, that’s all. In fact I truly admire Pratima for what she has been for her kids – they are the sweetest, most well behaved and charming kids I’ve seen.

So, jury is still out on whether there’s a particular age cut off by which everybody should have kids and settle into domesticity. Or whether you should just follow your instincts, not worry about ticking biological clocks and take life as it comes….
Something to think about….

Finding the perfect food niche in London

London is such a melting pot of different cultures and lifestyles that its quite easy to lose yourself in the pace of the city as well as the constant sea of people. Was there recently for a conference and found the most delightful Indian food I’ve ever tasted.
The thing about food is, no matter how much you get adapted to and begin to like different varieties, at the end of the day, you always hanker for food you’ve grown up with. So, we went on complete rampage around town and had perfect Gujarati, Punjabi as well as perfect south Indian food (one of my favourites – I can eat dosa everyday, something Rohit finds completely beyond comprehension).
Anyway, the surprise find was this place that served, what can only be called ‘Indo-Chinese’ food. You know how Chinese food in every country gets modified according to local tastes to the point that its no longer Chinese (bless multiculturalism). Now Chinese you have in India is NOT Chinese (well, mostly). So, imagine this feeling of total ecstasy we had on seeing ‘Gobi Manchurian’ on the menu. And Chow-mein with ‘Rai tadka’! Pure Heaven!

By the way, Rohit let slip recently (I think he was feeling nostalgic and rather overcome with emotion after our trip) that his childhood dream, from the earliest he can remember, was to have a wife who would cook fantastic meals for him on a daily basis. The man loves his food. So, while this dream has unfortunately not been realised, he did get a Mom-in -law who absolutely dotes on him and is also a fab cook. And I always tell him I've brought out the best in him by letting him explore his cooking skills so that he's now an accomplished cook himself....

The first goalpost........

Who said life begins at thirty?......
Would like to go and personally congratulate the bloke, or gal (more likely) for such useful insight…..As someone who’s just recently turned the corner (so to speak), I can fully appreciate why the first thirty years of your life merely prep you and groom you to be what you become at thirty. I mean, in your twenties, you’re just running in the general direction of everybody else, you don’t really have any views that are truly your own and you worry about pleasing people! All this dissolves miraculously as you metamorphose into this suave, collected and self sufficient individual who can handle not only her life but also delve into other’s.
Ha……life though is not so simple. It does have a curious way of throwing things your way to make sure you’re fully occupied at all times…..So, your troubles don’t end at thirty, mate. They only change colour. There’s plenty of excitement around, new issues and more to juggle. Way to go……