The big dilemma

I’m still smarting under the effect of Pratima’s rather long spiel….on the topic of children, or actually the lack of them in my life. The thing about this particular discussion is, not only is it always forced- with me looking for that tiny chink in the door so I could just vaporize through it, it also almost always leaves me feeling selfish and self centered. As if I’m committing a grave injustice towards all my family, all my friends who have kids, and to myself too even if I don’t realize it.
So Pratima, who basically married at the age of 22 and had two kids before she turned 28, thinks I’m way too late to have a family. She also put her career on hold and postponed her postgraduation in fashion designing, so Amit (her husband) could pursue his high demand medical career. Rohit assures me there’s no similarity whatsoever in my personality and hers’. So I can't judge my life by her yardstick. Which is very sweet and ‘chivalrous husband’ like of him. Only, I still feel restless.

I have long been aware of the importance of being a ‘DINK’ couple - which is essentially short for Double Income No Kids. Now, whoever coined this term was I think, essentially thinking of the money side. It is expensive to bring up kids and with either of the couple having to work flexibly/ cut down etc, it’s a big financial responsibility. I do enjoy my current status as freshly (well, that’s about four years ago) married without kids, but for slightly different reasons. Like the other weekend we suddenly decided we needed a bit of a break, so we drove out to the coast for a couple of days. People with kids simply don’t have that kind of freedom. It’s my freedom and availability of choice that I feel I can’t let go. That’s not to say I would not want kids ever, but at the moment life is quite full, thank you.

In our society, as in any other, peer pressure to keep climbing the ladder of social responsibility or ‘appropriateness’ is quite high. Obviously there are set time limits for a girl to get married, for a married woman to have children and for someone with children to…ugh, I don’t know, move to a bigger house in the suburbs, give up on all sorts of fun things that you used to enjoy as a couple and get set in the routine of bringing up kids…for which there is a strict protocol by the way. That is not to say people who are bringing up kids are boring or have uninteresting lives. I just don’t fancy that at the current moment of time, that’s all. In fact I truly admire Pratima for what she has been for her kids – they are the sweetest, most well behaved and charming kids I’ve seen.

So, jury is still out on whether there’s a particular age cut off by which everybody should have kids and settle into domesticity. Or whether you should just follow your instincts, not worry about ticking biological clocks and take life as it comes….
Something to think about….